Sweatpants and Super Target.

The other day I did the unthinkable. I wore sweatpants to Target. Not because I just came from the gym down the road. No. I was too lazy to get dressed and oh my god I didn’t wear a bra either! What is wrong with me?

I’ll tell you. I don’t know. I go to my closet and find that nothing fits. I have shirts and feel if I wear these I am over dressed. When did I get like that? What the hell happened to me? I have one pair of pants that fits. My other pants do not fit. I hate this. I feel weird wearing heels because when I do, people make remarks like; “Are you sure you should wear those with a baby.” I didn’t realize I was accessorizing around him, wasn’t aware that he had to be accessorized around.  So, I haven’t worn heels in a while.

Is this one of the reasons so many moms stop caring? I stopped wearing jewelry because he pulls on it. I try to put makeup on and get “where are you going?” No where. I want to look good for me. But I feel like I am giving up on myself. I got asked where is the wife I married. Um right here, I am right here and am severely depressed. I have nothing but maternity clothes and a few things I bought post pregnancy. I am having major body issues. I don’t feel confident. And no matter how many times weirdos in the grocery store hit on me, it doesn’t make me feel any less icky.

I jiggle in places that I shouldn’t or never have before. It is uncomfortable. It is actually physically uncomfortable. I try to exercise and find I can only mentally make it through 2 minutes of the routine. Not because of my son but because my mind is so short.

What would make me feel better? If people would leave me alone about my shoe choices. If my jiggly jaggle stopped feeling bad. If I had clothes that fit. I know some of you reading are saying “so buy new ones”. I can’t go shopping and have no money to buy new ones. My husband has more clothes than I do. I am stuck wearing maternity pants and one pair of non maternity. I feel pathetic and wonder if part of this funk is my post partum. I am actually crying writing this. Yeah, I am sad. Yeah, I am depressed. Yeah, I love my family. Yeah, I need a way to feel better. Yeah, my coffee is never hot. No, I never get a break. Things keep going boom and I can not keep up.

One thing that is good, my son is healthy and he is well taken care of. Now if only mama bear was. I don’t write here anymore much. Mainly because I feel I have nothing to contribute,not anymore. I can not go shopping on a whim and rarely get to the shops. When I do, I get sad. So, I stay away. I am sorry readers for being so gloomy. There is a lot to be happy for and I was doing great but then this whole sweat pants thing sparked a dark side. I can not believe I wore that to Target. It was not me.

So what am I going to do? I am going to force myself to work out. I got a belly dance dvd that is waiting on me. Then, I will try to read Vogue. I got to snap out of this. I just got to.

So questions for you readers. What is the weirdest thing you have worn to a store? What did you do to get out of ppd?

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